


I Could Never Forget You

by twistedfate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7805383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedfate/pseuds/twistedfate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based On the Tumblr Prompt: What if while Castiel was healing Dean in Hell they fell in love. What if the reason Castiel stands so close and stares is him willing Dean to remember him, to remember what they had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Never Forget You

Human instinct has never been something Castiel had to worry about, he had never thought that he ever would. However, the angel never intended on falling so deeply for a finite being. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, this human shattered the glass wall of fate, natural order, and celestial intent to plunge his perfect hands into Castiel's heart without even knowing. 

The moment he laid eyes on his charge Castiel knew there was something different about him. Castiel ached for the way he made him feel. 

When his father entrusted him with the excruciatingly important task of retrieving the man from the depths of hell Castiel saw it only as a mission, an important one at that but nothing more. "Dean Winchester" was simply the name of his charge. Castiel was sent to grip Dean from perdition and rebuild him. He had never meant to fall in love. 

He was so broken, so damaged, and so pained. Castiel would never forget the way Dean reached for him, but Dean would, he already has. That was the way it had to be. 

Castiel remembered every stroke he placed on the man's chest, attempting to mend the scars and gashes left from his own figurative demons within him and physical ones that tore at his skin. Castiel ran his fingers over every inch of the older Winchester. It was never meant to be intimate, but Castiel felt a burning inside him with every touch. Dean felt it too. He would never forget the moment the Dean looked up at him with those piercing green eyes. A tentative blush creeped upon his face as he reached out and touched Castiel's cheek. He drew an unnecessary, sharp breath. The Winchester lifted his head and closed the gap between their lips. He had never experienced anything like this before. Here in this moment, with his lips pressed tightly onto the righteous man's, it felt as good as being in the presence of his father, the most holy being in all the universe. 

Touches became more intimate, more passionate. There had never been a moment in all his millennia where Castiel felt as he did when Dean peered into his soul and whispered "I love you". The moment became all the sweeter in the instant he found that he was in love with him too. 

The angel and the tortured soul bonded day and night as Castiel worked diligently to weave his lover back together. He had taken pride in the nickname the man gave him and felt nothing but pure bliss as Dean whispered softly, "Cas..."

Pain and agony rang through the halls of Castiel's mind the day Dean was finally healed. Cas loved Dean with all his heart which made it excruciating to realize that it was time for Dean to go home. Dean had a destiny and Castiel could never stand in the way of it. Dean needed to save the world, he needed to forget that Castiel existed.

"Cas, please! There has to be some other way! I can't live my life not knowing you!" Dean pleaded 

"You don't need me Dean, you have a destiny to fulfill," Cas choked back. 

"Fuck destiny. Fuck the rest of the world. And fuck anyone who says we can't be together," Dean screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I love you!"

Castiel allowed tears to slip from his vessel. "Dean, you're making this harder than it needs to be." 

"I won't forget you!" 

"You have to..." Cas cried. 

"Then give me something to remember you by. So one day I can come back to you," Dean was relentless. 

In that moment Cas never thought he would see his hunter face to face again but he couldn't let him know. He quietly attempted to comply. 

"Dean, I-I have no physical possessions," he explained. 

"Mark me." Dean said simply. 

"Dean I-"

"Cas, do it," 

"Dean, that's not a good ide-"

"CAS, PLEASE!" He cried. Without thinking Castiel gripped Dean's shoulder tightly leaving a red hot welt in the shape of Cas's hand. 

"Dean I-I'm sorry..." He said removing his hand. "I'll remove it, it won't take that long-"

Dean's head snapped up. "Cas no! Please...leave it. I want it there." He sighed. 

Castiel bit his lip, knowing he shouldn't. But the look in Dean's tear glistened eyes, the pain and fear was too much. He couldn't cause his love another ounce of pain. "You're going to forget me now, Dean," he whispered wistfully. 

Dean gently stroked the handprint on his shoulder. "I could never forget you." He declared, pressing his lips against his angel one last time. 

The next second Dean was inside a coffin with no memory of Castiel, their kisses, their love, or even knowledge of how he received the handprint on his arm. 

\-------------------------------------

Castiel sat sulking in a corner of heaven that very few angels knew of. His brothers Gabriel and Balthasar tried to comfort their baby brother but they could do nothing to console him. 

Days that once felt like seconds, felt like centuries. His heart lay heavy with grief in remembrance of his beautiful hunter. 

"Castiel?" An unfamiliar voice rang in his ears. It was a human voice. Humans rarely ever prayed to him as they did not know his name. Cas felt something different. He looked at the humans attempting to call upon him. A physic named Pamela Barnes, and the youngest Winchester, Sam- Castiel paused and tilted his head, seeing his beautiful lover. He gasped.

"Castiel! Show yourself!" 

Panic arose in Cas. "No, no, no!" He cried. "You can't gaze upon my full form!" He tried hard to fight it but it was no use. Pamela was intent on viewing him. Regret and pain flooded him as he realized there was nothing he could do to save her. Pamela saw his form and her eyes were completely burnt out. 

\-------------------------------------

The next time Castiel saw Dean it was finally in the flesh. It wasn't meant to be this way, but he couldn't stop it. He wouldn't. Dean was summoning him, he couldn't stay away. He made sure to make a grand entrance. Lights blew out, windows shattered, and just because Cas could appreciate the beauty of hopelessly romantic cliches, sparks flew. 

Dean was scared. No, he was terrified. He bared his demon blade and struck Castiel in the heart. Cas attempted to show no emotion, however, a hint of irritation and possibly sadness could be detected if you searched for it. Here was his Dean, his beautiful Dean, who claimed he would never forget him, stabbing him in the heart.

At first meetings were scarce, they were harsh, only because Castiel was forcing his feelings down. For the longest time it was too difficult to pretend it was too painful to see his prince when he had no idea who Cas was and what they had. 

He began slipping, they became friends and Castiel found himself standing painfully close to Dean, gazing into his eyes willing him to remember but to no avail. Dean would never remember them. 

At first Cas thought he was imagining it, he had been told many times that he was naive. It started as simple glances that lingered a little too long. Then it was Dean standing too close instead of Cas. 

Dean doesn't know how too explain it. His heart begins to ache slightly whenever Cas is near. He tries hard to play it off as friendly banter and "just kidding around, man" but it's becoming harder and harder to hide how he feels. 

When he stands next to the angel his heart flutters. FLUTTERS! Dean Winchester's heart doesn't flutter! But there's something about Cas that makes him feel like he's known him forever. He finds himself blushing whenever their hands brush up against each other and he quickly flips off his snickering brother claiming, "It's nothing dude, okay? Drop it."

But Cas started catching on and so did heaven. After the event with the leviathans Cas decided that he needed penance. Once Dean found that Castiel purposefully stayed behind Cas blamed it on the shame he felt for attempting to "play God", which was partly true, but not completely. Castiel was in love with Dean and Dean was falling for him all over again, but this time the angels were watching. Leaving Dean was one of the hardest decisions that he ever made but he had to. He couldn't risk hurting Dean. Then it happened. 

In an instant Castiel was ripped from purgatory. He was in heaven, which may as well be hell for him. An angel stood before him, Naomi, who would soon become his worst enemy. Namoi reprogramed Cas's brain. She made it so she had her way with him. 

All the while Dean was at a loss. He had his angel back but not truly. Since he arrived the touches not just declined but ceased completely. He felt alone even though his whole world stood at his side. Though he still refused to admit it. 

Naomi, though she claimed her intentions were pure, began using Castiel for evil. Cas was forced to save, then murder his baby brother in cold blood. He never sleeps, there's no need, however crappy he may be he's still an angel. "Samandriel was good," he would whisper to himself softly, over and over. The memory seemed as though it shredded his grace into pieces. He wondered silently if Dean would ever understand, he lost a brother named Sammy too. 

The tasks got worse, more merciless killing, less Dean. Naomi was hard wired into his programming. She made him lie, cheat, steal. She forced him to kill his love thousands upon thousands of times. In her eyes Cas had become better at killing him, but in reality it was nothing but obedience. It didn't get easier, it became more and more difficult. The fake Dean's seemed more real. They lay there at his feet begging for mercy as he ran them through. Naomi finally had him brainwashed. He killed the Dean's without a hint of hesitation and the scary thing was, he felt nothing, until the time when it became real. 

It all happened so quickly yet it couldn't have been any slower. Cas needed to retrieve the angel tablet and Dean was standing in his way. Dean charged him, swinging a punch that would have done a number on any mortal. Cas grabbed his wrist and twisted it, without a doubt breaking it. Dean cried out in pain. He swung hard at Dean's face, once, twice, then he glanced at the angel tablet. "You want it?" Dean growled.   
"Take it! But you're going to have to kill me first." He said simply. 

The wiring in Castiel's brain made it impossible to want anything else. "Come on you coward. Do it. Do it!" Dean yelled. Cas's fists went flying. Pounding hard into Dean's face. 

The second punch landed him in Naomi's office. "Please." He begged. 

"End this, Castiel!" She replied.

With another punch Cas was back, pounding on his lover. "Cas..." Dean slurred. "This isn't you, this isn't you."

Another punch, he was back in heaven. "No!" He cried. 

"Bring. Me. The tablet!" Naomi's voice echoed in his ears. 

His knuckles thudded against Dean's face. "Cas, Cas..." Dean's pleading eyes peered into him as he raised his angel blade. "I know you're in there," Dean rasped. "I know you can hear me." He took in a sharp breath. "Cas, it's me, we're family." 

Cas stood tall over him, clutching the blade meant to smite his love. Dean look at him for what was meant to be the last time. His eyes glossy, pained and perfect. The same eyes that peered into his soul as he said it the first time. Those simple words, the one's he thought he'd never hear again. He looked down at his broken lover, broken at his hand. "I love you." Dean choked out. 

Suddenly he was in Naomi's office. "You have to chose Castiel, us or them."

He stared at his prince and dropped the blade, turning his back. Dean reveled in pain as Cas touched the tablet. Suddenly all was clear. No more Naomi, just Cas, Dean, the tablet, and a choice. 

He reached his hand down to touch Dean's face. "Cas, no, Cas...Cas." Dean cried softly. He was afraid. Dean thought Castiel was going to kill him. 

He touched his cheek softly, surprised, Dean melted into his touch, gripping Cas's arm. 

In an instant Dean was healed. "I'm so sorry Dean." 

"What the hell just happened?"

He should run, take the tablet and leave. He should forget Dean and protect to tablet at all costs. But he can't. 

He drops to his knees, staring at Dean. Dean is left in solid confusion until Cas's hand is on the back of his neck and their lips are pressed firmly onto each other's. They kiss long and hard until Castiel pulls back. "Fuck destiny. Fuck the rest of the world. And fuck anyone who says we can't be together." He says simply. 

In that moment no one else mattered, not heaven, not hell, not anything going on on Earth. All that mattered was Dean and Castiel. 

Cas began removing each layer of clothing that guarded Dean's right shoulder. Dean looked confused but he never vocalized it. The final layer of jackets was removed from the older Winchester as he sat on the ground with his clothing off half of his body. Castiel rolled Dean's tee shirt up over his shoulder, revealing the imprint of Cas's left hand. 

Cas looked up at Dean briefly before pressing his hand onto the welt. A bring light shone around them as memories flooded Dean in a hazy storm of pain, loss, suffering, but most importantly love. He watched as the years in Hell passed before his eyes. The final thing he saw was himself, with the handprint newly formed on his shoulder. "I could never forget you," he remembered himself saying. 

When it was over he threw himself at his angel, kissing him over and over again. "I-I forgot you..." He cried, clutching the angel as if he didn't hold him tightly he would be taken from him. 

Castiel softly kissed Dean's head. "You had to." 

"Why didn't you make me remember?" Dean choked out. "We spent years together and you made me believe there was nothing between us." Tears poured from his face. 

"I-you had a destiny." Cas attempted to explain. 

"Which you helped me escape! The apocalypse was long over!" Dean cried. 

Cas sighed into Dean's hair. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to remember. You always said things that lead me to believe you were repulsed by the idea of having any sort of romantic relations with me." He looked down.

"I love you." Dean whispered. 

Cas crashed his lips down on Dean, kissing him slowly, wanting to savor every last moment. 

"I love you." Castiel whispered back, ghosting over Dean's lips.


End file.
